105 CYCLE TOURING THAILAND (10) - ATTEMPTING ADULTHOOOD

Attempting Adulthood

 (Briefly)

 

Thailand (10)
1,779 Km – 58 Days
20 June – 18 August 2017

MAP

FLIP-BOOK

 VOICE-OVER

PHOTOS

PDF

 

Prologue

There comes a moment in every long-term traveller’s life when they think, perhaps I should stop living like a snail with a passport. Mine arrived somewhere between Cambodia and Thailand, when I realised, I had bought a condo—an actual, stationary unit with walls, a door, and the theoretical possibility of a sock drawer.

This chapter chronicles the brief period in which I tried to be a responsible adult, failed spectacularly, and fled back to the open road—where at least the chaos makes sense.

 

Poi Pet, Cambodia to Sa Kaeo, Thailand (85 km)

Poi Pet greeted me with its usual charm: dust, noise, and traffic behaving like it had been raised by wolves. I threaded my way through carts, queues, and motorbikes until immigration waved me to the front, possibly out of pity.

Once in Thailand, I withdrew rent money using my Thai card and felt like a financial prodigy. Then, with no plan whatsoever, I chased a dramatic limestone pinnacle because it looked like the sort of place that might contain enlightenment—or at least a monk.

I climbed a staircase steep enough to qualify as a spiritual test and was rewarded with a blessing. Camping there was tempting, but the monkeys were eyeing my panniers as if planning a coordinated raid. I retreated to Sa Kaeo, where the main attractions were a Big C and a KFC. Accommodation signs were all in Thai script, so I relied on intuition and blind optimism.

 

Sa Kaeo to Plaeng Yao (110 km)

The next day’s ride was uneventful, which felt suspicious.  Hard out of Sa Kaeo I met two Chinese cyclists napping in a bus shelter; our conversation was a masterpiece of mutual confusion.

Eventually, I escaped to smaller roads where temples appeared like spiritual pop‑ups and fruit vendors offered mysterious produce that turned out to be delicious.

The Rich Inn in Ban Plaeng Yao looked nothing like an inn, but inside it was a tiny oasis with air‑con and hot water. I did laundry in the wastepaper bin and stared at the walls. A glamorous life.

 

Ban Plaeng Yao to Jomtien (123 km)

Rural Thailand delivered its usual magic: old men guarding single cows as if they were national treasures, women tending rice paddies with enviable grace, and temples gleaming in the sun.

I bought a 10‑baht flower garland “for good luck” and hung it proudly on my handlebar bag.

Rolling into Pattaya, I collected the key to my new condo—my first home in a decade. It needed work, but it was mine. A sanctuary! A nest! A place to leave things without locking them to a bicycle!

Jomtien

I plunged into cleaning and discovered that my previous tenant had left behind enough belongings to stock a small thrift shop. Seven garbage bags later, I had unearthed:

• six lip balm holders

• several lipstick tubes

• receipts dating back to the Ming Dynasty

• shoeboxes containing… more shoeboxes

My body ached more than after a 100‑km ride.

I bought new bedding, towels, and two of everything—except wine glasses, because one must have standards. I even organised my documents into a file, which made me feel like a functioning adult.

Pattaya, however, was… Pattaya. A city where 10 a.m. is considered a perfectly acceptable time for a drunk foreign man to cling to a bar counter while a Thai girl pretends to find him charming. Jogging made me look like an alien.

I cycled to a viewpoint for sunset, but the sky refused to cooperate. A storm rolled in, and I sprinted home like a Tour de France rider escaping paparazzi.

 

 Pattaya to Prok Fa (102 km)

Escaping Pattaya after a month and a half felt less like “leaving a city” and more like “fleeing the scene of a mildly questionable life choice.” I pedalled away without so much as a nostalgic glance, propelled by the looming deadline of crossing into China and the faint fear that if I stayed any longer, the neon lights might start addressing me by name.

The countryside welcomed me like a cool cloth on a fevered forehead. Temples appeared in serene clusters, coconut plantations swayed innocently, and pineapple fields stretched out like nature’s apology for everything Pattaya had just put me through. It was blissful, quiet, and—most importantly—devoid of nightlife that required a tetanus shot.

A temple on a hill lured me in. The monks handed me the key to the shrine—apparently trusting sweaty strangers with sacred spaces is normal here. I climbed, admired the view, locked up, and continued.

By late afternoon, I found a lively village with a market and a sign for accommodation. Down a dirt track was a modest room that felt like a palace after Pattaya.

 

Prok Fa to Khlong Hat (111 km)

The owner gave me coffee and bananas—breakfast of champions—and I set off along rural roads near the Cardamom Mountains. Rubber plantations, chilli fields, and pineapples lined the route.

I hoped to see elephants but only found their dung, which was impressive in its own right.

Locals insisted on feeding me at every water stop. I didn’t resist.

In Khlong Hat, the police let me camp at their station, fed me, and showed me the bucket‑and‑scoop shower system. I ended the day with a giant crispy crepe filled with sweet goodness. Bliss.

 

Khlong Hat to Aranyaprathet (85 km)

I chased a sign promising caves 4 km away. At 4 km, there were no caves. At 7 km, still no caves. Eventually, I found a sign pointing uphill. The path was so overgrown it felt like nature was trying to hide the viewpoint from me.

I climbed until my water ran low, then retreated. The caves were dark and spooky, so I skipped them as I had no flashlight.

Prasat Khao Noi, a 6th-century Khmer sanctuary, was a delight—until the sky dumped rain on me. I hid, waited, and continued to Aranyaprathet, where the Aran Garden Hotel had no garden but did have prison‑green floors.

Dinner was noodle soup from a mobile stall while my laundry spun somewhere in the background.

 

Aranyaprathet to Non Din Daeng (108 km)

I escaped town and immediately found tiny lanes leading to Prasat Sadok Kok Thom, an 11th‑century temple guarded only by an old man and his water buffalo. My kind of tourist attraction.

Rice fields, buffalo, temples, and Friday markets filled the day. Locals whispered “farang, farang” as if spotting a rare bird.

I reached Non Din Daeng, found yet another temple ruin, and decided I was temporarily templed‑out.

 

Non Din Daeng to Khao Kradong Forest Park (111 km)

After a good night’s sleep, I felt energised, and I visited the ruins of Nong Hong Sanctuary (deserted except for cows), then Prasat Muang Tam, which was spectacular and deserved far more visitors than just me.

A truck driver gifted me water and cola—proof that angels sometimes drive pickup trucks.

After biking 110 km, Khao Kradong Forest Park surprised me with food carts, trails, and camping. I pitched my tent just before the rain arrived, feeling smug and accomplished.

 

Khao Kradong Forest Park to Surin (50 km)

Woken by roosters, I packed up and headed east. Central Thailand’s fertile plains and Khmer history made for a beautiful ride.

Surin appeared unexpectedly, and I checked into “My Hotel,” which was conveniently opposite the station. Rain kept me indoors the next day, which was perfect for catching up on work.

 

Surin to Uthumphon Phisai (125 km)

Just two kilometres out of Surin, I found a rural path that delivered a perfect day: green rice paddies, friendly people, and only one backtrack required.

I visited a silk village, then Prasat Chom Phra, a 12th-century Mahayana Buddhist medical station. Locals gifted me water, fruit, and a sweet bun—fuel for the final kilometres.

I chased signs to more ruins, but after 13 km of nothing, I gave up, as I had already cycled 125km. I searched for accommodation and went to Tesco Lotus. Food solves everything.

 

Uthumphon Phisai to Phibun (130 km)

The highway dominated the day—boring, hot, and uninspiring. I arrived in Phibun exhausted and ready for bed.

 

Phibun to Pha Taem National Park (65 km)

A short but eventful day. I followed the Mun River to the Pak Mun Dam, which was dramatically overflowing.

A cash mix-up forced me to detour to Khong Chiam, where I admired the Two‑Colour River Viewpoint—blue and brown waters swirling like a giant latte.

Later, a cable-pulled boat ferried me across the river, assisted by a helpful local who clearly doubted my ability to load a bicycle without drowning.

I found PK Riverside Resort and camped under trees beside the Mekong. For 100 baht, it was paradise.

 

Pha Taem National Park to Khemmarat (117 km)

I drank coffee by the river, watched boats glide past, and considered abandoning cycling to become a riverside hermit.

The day was full of rolling hills—fun in the morning, hateful by afternoon. The 3,000 Stones rock formations were surreal and worth every curse word uttered on the climbs.

Khemmarat welcomed me with food stalls and an air-conditioned room. Heaven.

 

Khemmarat to Mukdahan (85 km)

A day of mild inclines and maximum fatigue. I crawled into Mukdahan, ate everything in sight, and collapsed.

 

August 13 – Mukdahan to Sakhon Nakhon (122 km)

I tried to cross the Friendship Bridge into Laos, but bicycles were banned. I sighed dramatically and continued on the Thai side of the river.

A dirt track through rubber plantations restored my mood. Villagers fed me again—Thailand is basically one long buffet.

I reached Sakhon Nakhon, discovered a night market, bought two meals, and managed to eat only one. A personal tragedy.

 

Sakhon Nakhon to Sawang Daen Din (90 km)

Floods had turned parts of the region into lakes. Villagers fished in the streets. Rivers roared under bridges.

I sheltered at police stations, rode farm tracks, and eventually reached Sawang Daen Din, where I found a 250 baht room with air con. Luxury!

 

Sawang Daen Din to Nong Khai (125 km)

Flood damage made the roads unpredictable. Workers repaired them while farmers dried dyed grasses on the tarmac.

A flat tyre slowed me down, but the villages I passed were full of life—charcoal makers, fishermen, vendors, cattle herders.

I raced a storm to Nong Khai and reached Mut Mee Guesthouse just as the sky exploded. My 200‑baht room was basic but spotless. Perfect.

.

Epilogue

My brief attempt at domesticity had ended exactly as expected: with me fleeing a condo full of newly purchased cutlery and running headlong back into the arms of the open road.

Some people settle down. Some people build homes. And some people—my people—buy a sleeper sofa, admire it for a week, and then abandon it for a tent pitched beside the Mekong.

Thailand had reminded me of who I was: a wanderer on a bicycle, with a sense of humour and a talent for arriving everywhere just after closing time.

104 CYCLE TOURING CAMBODIA (4) - Buffalo, Weddings, and Monsoon Winds

 Buffalo, Weddings, and Monsoon

    Winds: Cambodia on Two Wheels

CAMBODIA (4)
902 Km – 30 Days
21 May – 20 June 2017

MAP

PHOTOS

PDF

VOICE-OVER

FLIP-BOOK

 

 

Prologue

I slipped out of Trat during what I optimistically called “a break in the downpour,” only to discover that Cambodia had prepared a full monsoon welcome party. Within hours, I was flying down the Cardamom Mountains in rain so heavy it felt personal, dodging potholes and oil slicks.

But Cambodia has a way of rewarding stubborn cyclists. Between buffalo in ponds and women in bright pyjama bottoms, children called “Hello, farang!” from stilted houses. By the time I reached Otres, splattered in mud and slightly feral, I was fed curry, handed a drink, and absorbed into a community of free spirits who seemed to have forgotten to ever leave.

And that’s how my Cambodian adventure began: soaked, muddy, and already in love with the place.

 

Trat, Thailand to Koh Kong, Cambodia (106 km)

My journey kicked off under a blanket of pouring rain, and I was holding off until the first teasing break in the downpour. With the scent of wet earth in the air, I slipped out of Trat, ready to tackle the short but picturesque ride to the Thailand-Cambodian border. The landscape was a feast for the eyes, with majestic mountains to one side and the shimmering coast to the other. But alas, the clouds looked threatening, and my plans for a leisurely exploration quickly turned to a single goal—keeping the pedals turning amidst the rain.

The border crossing was business as usual, complete with the familiar exit and entrance stamps that often feel like a passport to new adventures. Just a short 10 km ride later, I arrived in Koh Kong, the first Cambodian town on the banks of the Koh Poi River. After securing a budget-friendly room that provided much-needed shelter, I donned some dry clothes and set off to find a Cambodian SIM card and a hearty meal. Navigating the language barrier proved trickier than expected, but the menus featuring tantalising pictures made ordering simple—thankfully, as my stomach growled impatiently, and I really wasn't in the mood to mimic poultry or pigs!

 

I decided to linger an extra day in Koh Kong to tackle some lingering tasks and take a breather. It turned into a blissfully lazy day filled with laundry, updating my blog posts, and reminiscing over my time in Thailand as I sorted through photos. Rest was exactly what I needed.

 

Koh Kong to Botum Sakor (103 km)

As I pedalled out of Koh Kong, the road snaked up out of the river valley and began ascending the Cardamom Mountains. I huffed and puffed my way up, fighting against the sweltering heat, beads of sweat drenching me and pooling in my sandals. Yet, with persistence, I reached the first high point, only to have ominous dark clouds gather above me. Within moments, rain began to pour down like a monsoon, turning my descent into a thrilling yet treacherous ride.

Dressed in my raincoat, I flew downhill with the wind whipping around me, hoping to dodge potholes and oil slicks with my heart racing. Sadly, it looked like the road maintenance crew had left a pitfall; loose gravel lay in wait like a predator. Spying a taxi in a ditch only solidified my determination to stay upright. The rest of the day was a relentless pattern of uphill climbs, speedy descents, and fording rivers—each cycle revealing the beautiful but sparsely populated area, where I was grateful for the occasional roadside stall that helped fill my water bottle.

Finally, a final hill loomed ahead, and soon enough, a tower marking the apex came into view, offering sweeping views of the valley below. After a hundred-odd kilometres of riding, I rolled into Botum Sakor, where I found a basic room and food waiting for me.

 

Botum Sakor to Otres (135 km)

The 135 km ride to Otres was a welcome shift—while not completely flat, it felt much more enjoyable. A light drizzle accompanied me throughout the day, keeping me comfortably cool as I cycled past charming wooden houses on stilts, grazing buffalo, and women in bright pyjama bottoms biking with their goods.

Upon reaching Route 4, the busy highway linking Phnom Penh and Sihanoukville, the road transformed from peaceful countryside to a chaotic hustle. The narrow stretch allowed almost no space for cycling. I squeezed into the muddy no-man’s-land beside the pavement, caked in dirt but laughing at the absurdity of the situation as I twisted and turned through the muck. When I finally slipped into Otres, my bike, panniers, and I were completely splattered with mud.

Just as I was pondering my next move, I was greeted by Shelly, an old friend from Bangkok, who graciously invited me into her home in Otres. I was met with a massive plate of mouth-watering curry and rice—definitely a welcome change from my earlier struggles! The next day unfolded at a leisurely pace, filled with chill vibes and catching up with Rad, whom I had crossed paths with in Hanoi the previous year. What are the odds!

Shelly had made Otres her home for the last four years, and it felt like I had stumbled upon a vibrant community of free spirits. Friends flowed in and out of her bohemian abode, where laughter mixed with the sounds of clinking glasses. In this colourful neighbourhood, I felt an undeniable kinship with the eclectic crowd—each individual embracing their unique quirks and dreams. Otres felt like the Wild West of Southeast Asia—a place where the rules seemed fluid; here, creativity thrived without restraint.

During monsoon season, the muddy streets were an unwelcome but familiar sight, and life flowed in a psychedelic haze. This incredible slice of paradise drew people in, and it seemed like the wanderers who arrived with plans often ended up staying longer than they ever intended, living out dreams they hadn’t even known they had. In this sleepy and chaotic haven, where parties and friendships blossomed amidst the vibrant chaos, I found my heart echoing the spirit of Otres.

 

Otres to Kampot (100 km)

As the rain finally eased, I bid farewell to the warm-hearted locals of Otres, eager to set off toward Kampot, the renowned home of the world's finest pepper. Riding through monsoon season with roadworks at every turn felt like traversing an obstacle course, yet I pressed on. Though the route held no compelling attractions, I took time to capture the vibrant life along the river, where houses perched on stilts swayed gently, and boats glided by—each wave echoing the rhythm of daily life in Cambodia.

A stop for one of Cambodia’s celebrated snacks became a delightful necessity. I tracked down a delicious Nompang, a baguette packed to the brim with unexpected flavours. Settling into a cosy spot, I savoured every bite as I watched locals plant rice, their hands immersed in the earth. Half my Nompang vanished as I enjoyed the view, leaving a little treat for when my ride was done. Arriving in Kampot, I found a welcoming haven at Uptown Guesthouse, complete with ground-floor rooms, a bathroom, and mosquito nets—all at a price that didn’t break the bank.

 

Kampot

Kampot revealed itself as a charming tapestry of old-world allure—its dilapidated French colonial buildings echoing a rich history, juxtaposed against the tranquil riverside setting. Wandering through the bustling traditional market, I was greeted by a flurry of activity, though the sweltering heat had me seeking refuge. Kampot certainly offered an intriguing mix: quirky “Happy Pizza” joints coexisted with quaint French-style coffee shops, while nimble Cambodian women hustled from their mobile carts, trading wares with spirited conversations.

As I roamed through the streets, I couldn't help but chuckle at the playful misspellings on signs, a reminder of the cultural dance between languages—just as the Latin alphabet holds little meaning for Cambodians, the Abugida script baffles me. Eventually, I returned to my guesthouse, hopped back on my bike, and ventured out to explore some nearby caves. Ironically, it was the ride itself that captivated me more than the caves!

I passed cheerful women pedalling home from the market, their laughter ringing out like music, a stark contrast to the stoic faces I often encountered in the West during morning commutes. Dapper men on motorbikes zoomed by, pigs securely tied on the back, and school kids rode their bicycles alongside, giggling as they waved, “Hello, farang!” from their stilted homes. In that moment, every pedal stroke felt like a celebration of life!

 

Kampot to Guesthouse (110 km)

Leaving the charming town of Kampot, I set my sights northward toward bustling Phnom Penh. The sky stretched above me in an enchanting shade of blue, perfectly framing the lush rice paddies that overflowed with water from the recent monsoon rains. I was surrounded by the gentle sight of water buffalo meandering through ponds and cows lazily grazing on the vibrant green roadside. It felt like a postcard scene—truly, the very essence of that phrase, “I was in my happy place.”

As I pedalled along, I encountered vibrant local markets brimming with tantalising produce and curious trinkets. Dirt tracks branched off into mysterious, inviting paths, each whispering promises of adventure. The route was alive with friendly monks going about their morning rituals, and warm smiles from women selling juicy watermelons and the emerald hues of colourful temples lining the way. Children returning home from school giggled and huddled together, their eyes wide with curiosity as they spotted a lone cyclist weaving through their world. I couldn’t help but chuckle as meat vendors jovially pointed out an unusual delicacy—buffalo penis—highlighting the resourcefulness of a culture that seems to honour every part of the animal.

Suddenly, the day took a dramatic turn. A powerful wind swept through, dark clouds loomed ominously overhead, and soon, big raindrops began to plummet from the sky. Seeking refuge, I ducked into the nearest guesthouse, where they must’ve recognised the look of a drenched cyclist because the room rate felt a little steep. Still, they treated me to a delightful Cambodian feast: rice paired with stir-fried vegetables and ginger, all crowned with a perfectly fried egg and a kick of fiery chillies. Just what I needed after a day on the road!

 

Guesthouse to Phnom Penh (40 km)

A short 40 km but chaotic ride whisked me into the heart of Phnom Penh. Manoeuvring in and out of this bustling city is no easy feat—the traffic is a maze of chaos! Yet, amidst the congestion, it was mesmerising to witness the ingenuity of riders balancing impossibly large loads on their motorcycles and how much my bicycle could endure.

Dodging through the honking vehicles, I found myself in the beloved backpacker hub of Boeng Kak. Sadly, the lake that had once drawn travellers like a magnet had been sold and filled in, diminishing the vibrancy of the area. However, a few hidden budget gems were still tucked away, and I revelled in the charm of the back streets, the eye-catching street art, and the quirky long-term residents they seemed to attract. I chose the Grand View Guesthouse, which ironically had no grand view to speak of, but at just $5 a night, it felt like a steal. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by a lively group of travellers from 13 different countries, gathering around the table and swapping stories.

The following day, I turned in my cherished Panasonic Lumix camera for repairs. With that sorted, I set about applying for a Chinese visa while I waited for my camera’s return. As I strolled through the city, I was struck by the palpable tension in the air as Cambodian elections approached. Large sums of money were visibly thrown around by the ruling Cambodian People’s Party, even amidst whispers of staggering corruption. Unlike the wealthy elite who seemed untouchable, the everyday people continued pushing their carts, striving to gather enough to feed their families. It was a stark reminder of the contrasts that define this fascinating country, where luxury and squalor coexist uncomfortably.

Sadly, a message from the property agent in Thailand revealed that the tenant was relocating. I couldn’t help but wonder if purchasing the unit was such a good idea. I've only just left, and already I need to return to sort out the room.

Finally, after two weeks, everything fell into place: my camera was fixed, and I secured both a Chinese visa and a three-month Thai visa.

 

15 June - Phnom Penh to Kampong Chhnang (97 km)

As I bid farewell to the wonderfully welcoming folks at Grand View Guest House, a familiar tug of nostalgia pulled at my heart. It's true what they say — “There’s no place like home.” But for me, that sentiment extends to the open road after a long layoff. The thrill of cycling again was exhilarating, and I barely stopped for photos. Instead, the refreshing taste of coconut and sugarcane juice from local vendors beckoned me for a brief respite.

Along the way, I couldn’t help but marvel at the vibrant markets bursting with life, watching farmers tenderly bathing their cattle in the rivers, and greeting children with their cheerful “Hellos” as I pedalled past. The smiles exchanged with surprised old ladies added a nice touch to my journey. Arriving in Kampong Chhnang, I easily settled into Ly Hour Guest House for the night.

 

Kampong Chhnang to Pursat (96 km)

If the previous day’s ride was pure joy, this day felt like a test of patience on the rugged, bumpy road that stretched ahead. The irritation of the jolts beneath me faded, however, as I soaked in the relentless heat and the energy of the landscape. I passed the Andoung Russey pottery factory, where heavily laden carts hustled their beautiful wares to market. The recent rains had painted the rice fields a brilliant green, a stark contrast to the seedlings eagerly awaiting replanting.

I encountered vendors selling zesty fermented vegetables and artists skillfully crafting Buddha statues. The narrow, busy path kept me engaged, although much of my ride was on a dirt section alongside the road. As I rolled into Pursat, a wave of relief washed over me—though the ceiling fan in my room wobbled ominously, it was a welcome relief after a long day. And there it was—the sun setting over yet another extraordinary day in Cambodia.

 

Pursat to Battambang (107 km)

Each day on this journey unfolds like a new chapter filled with fascinating scenes. It’s incredible how quickly we adapt, using what the land offers, eating what’s available, and planting what the soil permits. Yet, what continues to intrigue me the most are the diverse modes of transport. In Cambodia, the motorbike reigns supreme, demanding profound respect.

As the day wore on, hunger struck like a thunderbolt! I stumbled upon a roadside eatery where I pointed to a steaming bowl of soup. It was delicious, though I couldn’t shake the sensation of curious eyes fixed on each mouthful I took, making me wonder about the mysterious ingredients.

Battambang, a charming town adorned with old buildings and a lively market, welcomed me with open arms. I snagged a baguette from a lady gracefully balancing food on a shoulder pole, and thank goodness I didn’t question the ingredients—I was too hungry to care! With its array of sights and sounds, Battambang captivated my heart. Choosing to stay an extra day felt absolutely right, and I couldn't wait to see what adventures awaited me.

 

Battambang to Poi Pet (114 km)

The journey from Battambang to the Thai-Cambodian border wasn’t particularly thrilling, and I toyed with the idea of taking an alternative route. But then, just as I was about to veer off, I stumbled upon a vibrant wedding procession that drew me in, offering a captivating glimpse into Cambodian culture.

I watched in awe as families celebrated a traditional Khmer wedding—truly one of the most joyous moments in a Khmer family’s life. These grand festivities can last anywhere from three days to an entire week! The scene was alive with colour, music, and energy, with traditional instruments echoing through the air. The couple looked regal, and the bride changed outfits multiple times throughout the day, showcasing the splendour of Khmer bridal fashion.

What struck me most was the atmosphere among the guests; unlike the often-formal Western ceremonies, here people were animated, fully engaging with the rituals. It was perfectly acceptable to stand up and stretch your legs, or even to wander in and out of the room, creating a relaxed environment that felt inviting rather than rigid.

I learned that in this custom, the bride waits at her parents’ home while the groom assembles a colourful procession of family and friends, symbolising Prince Preah Thong’s legendary journey to meet his bride, Princess Neang Neak—two monumental figures in Khmer folklore. As the groom’s entourage approached the bride’s home, they bore platters filled with fruit and Khmer desserts, led by musicians and singers who created an infectious buzz of excitement.

After soaking in the joy and vibrancy, I continued my journey, navigating a bustling road filled with a mix of strange and wonderful modes of transport. At a coconut juice stall, I met Husan, a fellow cyclist from Turkey who was embarking on a year-long cycling adventure. We exchanged tales over refreshing drinks while stalls around us offered delicious rice cooked in bamboo and tempting sausages that I guessed were made from buffalo meat. Before rolling into the border town of Poi Pet, I captured a final burst of joy as Cambodian children squealed in delight around me.

Arriving at the Phnom Pich Guesthouse, conveniently situated on the main road, it hit me just how surprising travel can be, no matter where you go. I chuckled at the sight of my fellow guests, realising I was the only one not using the communal comb and sandals!

 

Poi Pet, Cambodia to Sa Kaeo, Thailand (85 km)

Morning arrived with a short, dusty ride from Poi Pet to the chaotic Cambodian-Thai immigration. The border was a bustling whirlwind of activity, with traders manoeuvring their produce-laden carts and foot passengers winding through long queues. Motorised traffic swirled around us, careening from right to left, but the thrill of my bicycle made that chaos feel almost exhilarating.

As I weaved through this madness, I couldn’t help but revel in the small victories; cyclists were waved to the front of the queue, a privilege I graciously accepted while taking in the vibrant tapestry of life unfolding around me. This journey was turning out to be richer than I ever expected!

 

 

Epilogue

By the time I reached Poi Pet, I had cycled through monsoon storms, rice fields, wedding processions, and at least one meal where the entire restaurant watched me eat. I’d slept under wobbling ceiling fans, dodged traffic that defied physics, and learned that in Cambodia, even the buffalo parts you didn’t know existed can end up on a plate.

At the border, cyclists were waved to the front of the queue—a small but glorious victory after 902 kilometres. As traders pushed carts, motorbikes swerved in every direction, and dust swirled around us, I realised Cambodia had done what it always does: surprised me, challenged me, and left me grinning like an idiot.

102 CYCLE TOURING THAILAND (9.1) Where I Came for a Bike Part and Left with a Condo

THAILAND: Where I Came for a Bike

 Part and Left with a Condo

THAILAND (9.1)
521 Kilometres – 43 Days
8 April – 20 May 2017

MAP

PHOTOS

 PDF

VOICEOVER

FLIP-BOOK

 

 

PROLOGUE

After Janice flew home, I stayed behind in Thailand with only two guiding principles:

1. Don’t overheat.

1. Don’t lose anything important, including myself.

Bangkok greeted me with the kind of heat that makes you reconsider your relationship with clothing, movement, and ambition. I handed in my laundry, found a room with a “bathroom inside” (a phrase that always sounds like a warning), and hoped life would sort itself out. It didn’t — but it did become entertaining.

Bangkok

When Janice’s taxi disappeared into traffic, I stood in Bangkok like a confused extra who’d wandered onto the wrong film set. So I did the only sensible thing: I handed in my laundry.

The laundress worked in a narrow alley where sunlight had clearly surrendered. She had a few machines under a tarp and enough laundry bags to clothe a small nation. The only free space was a tiny rectangle where she appeared to sleep, possibly upright. When I returned, she plunged her hand into the textile avalanche and produced my laundry instantly. My slip of paper had no name, no number, and no identifying features whatsoever, so I was impressed. Apparently, my clothing emits a distinctive aura.

The next day I found cheaper accommodation: the Sleep Inn. It had a fan, air‑conditioning, a window, and a “bathroom inside,” which always raises questions like: Inside what? And why specify? Still, it was a bargain. I’ve stayed in worse. Much worse.

While waiting for my new jockey wheel to arrive, I did absolutely nothing — with dedication. I attempted a morning jog, but my hamstrings had unionised and were staging a protest. I stopped in a park to stretch with locals, who politely ignored the foreigner grimacing like a puppet with tangled strings.

A walk to Chinatown took me through the fish market, where the produce looked like it had been dredged from the Mariana Trench. The flower market afterwards was a relief — cool, fragrant, and not actively threatening. The vegetable market was full of mysterious items I would probably eat if chopped finely enough.

Chinatown’s “New Market” was only new if you consider “built in the last geological era” recent. It sold everything short of live livestock. The day was blistering, so I retreated via river taxi, which at least provided a breeze and the illusion of progress.

By evening, I decided a massage might help my hamstring. It did — for about twelve minutes. Then the pain returned, smug and victorious.

Most evenings I hunted for cafés with the holy trinity: beer, food, and functioning WiFi. If all three existed simultaneously, it felt like witnessing a rare celestial alignment. I’d edit photos until my patience evaporated, which didn’t take long.

I visited the Holy Rosary Church, built by the Portuguese in 1786 after a dramatic fallout at the Santa Cruz Church. Apparently even churches have interpersonal issues. The building was lovely and mercifully cool.

Meanwhile, Songkran — the Thai New Year — was approaching. The word “Songkran” comes from the Sanskrit “Sankranti,” meaning “astrological passage,” which sounds elegant until you’re being ambushed by a toddler with a water gun the size of a bazooka.

 

Bangkok – The Songkran Festival

On the 13th, temples overflowed with devotees bathing Buddha statues, pouring fragrant water, making wishes, and receiving blessings. Nearly all businesses closed as people returned home to celebrate. It was beautiful, spiritual, and deeply meaningful.

And then the water war began.

A full‑scale aquatic apocalypse erupted in the alleys. Everyone — adults, children, and possibly a few confused pets — was armed with plastic water guns. Give a grown‑up a water gun and they instantly regress to age seven. The best part was seeing people laughing in the streets instead of staring at their phones like mildly depressed zombies. It’s the most fun you can have while being repeatedly shot in the face.

Once Bangkok dried out, I wandered to the amulet market, where trade revolved around tiny talismans. Monks, taxi drivers, and anyone in need of luck browsed the stalls. Some amulets were barely a centimetre tall. Vendors claimed certain pieces were antique, and clients examined them through magnifying glasses with the seriousness of jewel thieves. There were also odd, vaguely voodoo‑like figurines. I didn’t ask questions. Fertility seemed the theme, and I didn’t need clarification.

My search for a good night‑photography spot failed, so I returned to the Gecko Bar, which had become my unofficial headquarters. There I met Silvia (Germany), Patrick (India via England via Spain), and Jeff, an English teacher in Myanmar. Bangkok excels at collecting people who appear to have fallen out of entirely different storylines.

Shortly after Songkran, BokBok Bike informed me that the jockey wheel had arrived. While they serviced the bike, I browsed for inexpensive condos. Most were far beyond my budget, but eventually I found one and contacted the agent. The next day, I took a bus to Jomtien to meet Benn from Immobilien Pattaya.

The unit was small — “rabbit hole” is generous — but close to the beach and had a pool. The building was older, low‑rise, and unpretentious. The price, however, was the real attraction. I paid a deposit and hoped for the best.

 

Bangkok to Bang Saen – 80 km

Time to leave the Big Mango. Easier said than done. In avoiding main roads, I found myself among dubious food stalls and shrines that looked like they’d been assembled from spare parts.

April is hot and dry in Thailand, but halfway to Bang Saen, the heavens opened. I sheltered at a golf driving range with a few motorcyclists. The storm lasted longer than expected, but eventually I continued and reached Bang Saen Beach, which was surprisingly lovely.

 

Bang Saen Beach to Jomtien, Pattaya – 56 km

A pleasant ride took me to Pattaya, where I visited the Immobilien office. We discussed the condo, and I realised the process would take time. Buying property in Thailand is a legal obstacle course, and I was entirely at the agency’s mercy. Not comforting.

I checked into Beachspot Hostel. The dorm had two beds, and I was the only occupant. It was essentially a sauna with a fan, but the balcony overlooked the beach, so I pretended it was intentional.

At sunset, I walked to the night market, bought a beer from 7‑Eleven, and sat on the beach contemplating life, humidity, and my questionable financial decisions.

 

Jomtien – Buying a Condo

My morning jog along the beach was delightful. A dip in the ocean revealed the water was warm enough to poach an egg, but I wasn’t complaining. I waddled around like a contented hippo.

I discovered coin‑operated laundry machines, which made life easier. By midday, I retreated to my room to avoid melting.

The condo transfer took longer than expected. The “condo” was really just a room, but I had my reasons: dwindling funds, the desire for a permanent base, and the fact that Thailand still allows foreigners to buy inexpensive property (not land, but close enough).

The unit was tenanted, which suited me fine. Immobilien helped me open a bank account, though the internet banking password would take two weeks to arrive. The most astonishing part was paying for the property with my bank card. I’ve never bought real estate using the same method one uses to buy groceries.

Just like that, I became a property owner in Thailand. Traveller to expat in one swipe.

While waiting to sign documents at the land office, I took the ferry to Koh Larn Island with Emmy and Katae from Immobilien. It was a lovely day. Back in Jomtien, I ate mushroom soup on the beach while watching the sunset — a simple pleasure.

Apparently, the previous day had rejuvenated me. I was up at 5:30 and jogging by 6:00, shaving three minutes off my usual time. Still slow but satisfying. A swim and coffee on the beach completed the morning.

It’s remarkable how much one sees during a jog: fishing boats returning from the sea, women selling the morning’s catch, vendors selling noodle soup to fishermen, troubled souls sleeping beside empty bottles, ladyboys returning from a night out with high heels in hand, monks collecting food. A full spectrum of humanity before breakfast.

I passed the venue where Thailand played Afghanistan in the Asian Beach Handball Championships and watched for a while. Later, I signed papers at the Land Office. I ate spicy noodle soup (again) and did laundry in a wastepaper basket — a full day.

 

Jomtien and Surrounds

My daily ride took me past U‑Tapao airport, the turtle conservation centre, and through quiet backroads — about 80 km in total. I returned around 3:30, which seemed like an excellent time for coffee and cake.

A jogger passed me while I was staring into space, and I found it appealing. I put on my shoes and ran 11 km instead of my usual 10. Still slow, but energetic. Perhaps coffee and cake are performance enhancers.

Inspired, I repeated the cycling and running routine (minus the cake). The weather was overcast with drizzle — perfect cycling conditions.

Most attractions in Pattaya turned out to be fake, including the cultural village and floating market. I did, however, find an unusual “park” around the Ban Amphoe Reservoir with fountains, manicured gardens, temples, and stupas. From there, the road led to Big Buddha Mountain, where Buddha’s image had been laser‑carved into the cliff face. It was 109 metres tall, 70 metres wide, and filled with gold. Subtle.

Rain poured down, and I returned to Jomtien for green curry.

The next morning, I woke with a stiff neck/shoulder, despite not having swung from any chandeliers. I skipped jogging and walked along the ocean instead. Boats were adorned with colourful ribbons and garlands to honour Mae Yanang, the goddess of travel. I considered decorating my bicycle similarly. My neck improved slightly, though lifting a beer remained a challenge.

Impatient, I cycled to the bank to enquire about the password. They informed me there was another form to sign. Naturally, I refused to wait another week.

Finally, I was ready to leave Jomtien. I returned to the dorm, did laundry, and packed up.

 

Jomtien to Rayong (80 km)

A storm hit during the night. By morning, the streets looked like a typhoon had passed through. I set off anyway and made it exactly five kilometres before taking shelter. It felt good to be back on the bike among roadside stands and chasing dogs (words I never expected to say), but I was Thailand‑out and needed to move on.

The weather worsened as I approached Rayong. The wind reached storm strength, and I clung to the handlebars while dodging flying corrugated iron, plastic tables, and chairs. Camping was out of the question. The Mee Dee Hotel saved me.

 

Rayong to Kung Wiman Beach (101 km)

The weather improved marginally. People were busy clearing debris. The ride was humid but scenic, with a bicycle path along the coast. It was durian season, and vendors sold surprisingly tasty durian crisps.

I reached Kung Wiman Beach, where a temple offered camping. The tent instantly became a sauna, but the mosquitoes were enthusiastic, so I crawled in anyway.

 

Kung Wiman Beach to Trat (98 km)

The heat encouraged an early departure. The weather was miserable, and rain poured for most of the ride. A woman on a scooter stopped to give me a raincoat — very kind. I wore it despite finding raincoats too hot. I stopped only once, to look at mud sculptures. Sopping wet, I reached Trat and found Pop Guesthouse, which was friendly and affordable.

 

Trat, Thailand to Koh Kong, Cambodia (106 km)

Rain delayed my departure. When it eased, I cycled to the border. The route was scenic, with mountains and coastline, though too wet to enjoy properly.

The border crossing was routine. I entered Cambodia and continued to Koh Kong, the first town on the other side of the river.

I found an inexpensive room, changed into dry clothes, and went in search of a SIM card and food. English was scarce, but restaurants had pictures, which saved me from having to mime poultry.

 

EPILOGUE

By the time I pedalled out of Thailand, I’d survived storms, bureaucracy, durian crisps, and the purchase of a condo I still wasn’t entirely convinced I meant to buy. The border crossing into Cambodia felt almost calm by comparison — just stamps, rain, and the familiar sensation of not fully understanding what anyone was saying. I rolled into Koh Kong, soaked and hungry, and attempted to order dinner with hand gestures that probably alarmed the staff. Thailand had left me sun‑bleached, waterlogged, and unexpectedly responsible for real estate. Cambodia, I suspected, would bring its own brand of confusion. I pedalled on anyway.