Shenanigans on a Bike - By Leana NiemandSomewhere Between Lockdown and the Open Road
158 THAILAND (21.1)
1,791 Kilometres - 30 Days
24
November – 5 January 2022
Somewhere Between Lockdown and the Open Road
1,791 Kilometres - 30 Days
24 November – 5 January 2022
VOICEOVER
FLIP-BOOK
Prelude
After
long months of pandemic life, the world had grown smaller—contained within
walls, routines, and far too much time to think.
I
missed the road. Not dramatically, not urgently—but in that quiet, persistent
way that refuses to go away. The rhythm of pedalling, the unknown of each day,
the simple act of moving forward under my own steam.
There
were plenty of reasons to stay put. But eventually, they mattered less than the
need to go. So I packed the bike and set off on what would become a
1,791-kilometre ride over 30 days—a modest journey on the map, perhaps, but one
that felt like stepping back into a much larger world.
I
didn’t have a grand plan. Just a rough direction, a willingness to adapt, and
the hope that somewhere along the way, things would start to feel familiar
again.
A Ride Along the South Coast
Back
in the Saddle (Finally) - Pattaya to Rayong (80 km)
I
was cautiously excited to return to life on a bike—cautiously, because the
world had spent the past year and eight months behaving like a badly written
soap opera. I wasn’t entirely convinced normal life hadn’t been cancelled
indefinitely.
Still,
pandemic or no pandemic, I had reached the point where I either got on the
bike… or started talking to my houseplants. And they were beginning to ignore
me.
So I
saddled up the old iron horse—who, to be fair, looked only slightly more
energetic than I felt—and set off around Thailand. Strictly for sanity. Nothing
heroic about it. Just self-defence.
Packing
took forever. I’m convinced that no matter how little you own, loading a bike
expands to fill the entire morning. By the time I was finally ready, I felt as
if I’d already completed half the tour.
Naturally,
my first stop was two kilometres down the road at Jomtien Beach for coffee with
Dawn and Dan.
Because
discipline is important—but coffee with friends is more important.
I
honestly don’t know how I would’ve survived the pandemic without them. Dawn, in
particular, refused to let me transform into a permanently seated human. If not
for her, my “running routine” would’ve become a distant rumour. So thank you,
Dawn. May your legs forever function better than mine.
Eventually,
I did leave. And oh—it felt good.
The
legs remembered their job (more or less), the sun was shining as if nothing
dramatic had happened in the world, and I found myself pedalling with a grin
that probably made passing motorists slightly nervous.
Rice
paddies stretched out like green carpets, temples gleamed, food carts hissed
and steamed, and spirit houses lined the road like silent witnesses to my
questionable life choices.
It
was one of those rare days where everything simply worked. No drama. No
disasters. Just the simple joy of moving forward under your own steam.
Which,
in hindsight, should’ve worried me.
A Puncture, a Flying
Saddle, and a Lucky Escape - Rayong to Roadside Accommodation (91 km)
Morning
coffee came from 7-Eleven, naturally. It is less a shop and more a national
institution. The time of departure is therefore always measured in relation to
it:
Barely
10 kilometres into the day—psssst. Flat tyre. Of course. The universe had
clearly decided that things had gone far too smoothly yesterday and needed
immediate correction.
Luckily,
the new tube was soon in, though the fact that I now had only one spare
suddenly made me feel like a gambler who had just gone all-in on a questionable
hand. I decided to hedge my bets and stopped at a repair shop in Ban Phe.
Ban
Phe was lively—tourists bustling, boats heading out, fish sauce quietly
fermenting in the background like some kind of mysterious coastal perfume. Tube
fixed, crisis averted, I continued feeling quite competent.
Then
came lunch, after which I rolled out in high spirits……only for my saddle—yes,
the entire saddle, including nuts and bolts—to detach itself and crash onto the
road.
There
are moments in life where time slows down. This was one of them. Mostly because
I was imagining the alternative outcome. Let’s just say I briefly reflected on
how much I value certain parts of my anatomy.
Recovery
involved collecting the scattered remains of my bicycle and dignity while
pretending this sort of thing happened all the time.
“Ah
yes, the classic spontaneous saddle disassembly. Very common.”
A
kind lady from a nearby guesthouse quickly assessed the situation and decided I
was no longer capable of managing my own life. She whisked me—and my detached
saddle—into a vehicle and drove me to a motorbike repairman.
Now,
in Thailand, motorbike mechanics are essentially engineers, miracle workers,
and part-time magicians. Within minutes, my saddle was reassembled, my faith in
humanity restored, and my future lineage secured.
By
evening, I rolled into a cluster of roadside bungalows and declared the day
finished. The owner was wonderfully friendly, and the adjacent eatery—though
officially closed—produced fried rice as if I were royalty or at least a mildly
interesting inconvenience.
I
ate like someone who had survived something dramatic. Which, technically, I
had.
A
Short Ride and an Easy Day in Chao Lao - Roadside Cottage to Chao Lao (17 km)
Well-rested
and well-fed, I set off early-ish, full of optimism and with absolutely no
plan—arguably my most reliable travel strategy.
Fifteen
kilometres later, I reached Chao Lao and immediately spotted bungalows for 350
THB. At this point, my bicycle made an executive decision and turned in of its
own accord. I have learned not to argue with it in these matters.
Soon,
I was installed in a tiny wooden cabin, feeling very pleased with my ability to
cover a heroic 17 kilometres and then retire.
The
rest of the afternoon was spent battling MS Word, which had apparently decided
the pandemic was a good time to reinvent itself in ways I did not approve of.
Eventually, through persistence, threats, and mild pleading, I regained
control.
Laundry
followed—more of a rinse-and-hope exercise—and by 4 p.m. I had run out of
responsibilities and considered the day a major success.
Quiet
Shores and Ancient Creatures on the Way to Trat - Chao Lao to Trat (90 km)
I
prefer to ride at least 20 kilometres before eating. This gives me the illusion
of discipline and makes breakfast feel like a well-earned reward rather than a
default setting.
The
southeast coast was strangely quiet. Beaches that should’ve been bustling lay
empty, viewpoints looked abandoned, and the only person making any real effort
was a young girl selling homemade snacks to passing ghosts (and me).
It
felt as if someone had lowered the volume on the world.
Along
the way, I passed horseshoe crabs for sale—creatures so ancient and peculiar
they look like they missed several updates in evolution’s software.
Four
hundred and fifty million years old, blue blood… honestly, they’re doing better
than most of us.
The
ride into Trat was smooth, blessed with a cycle lane—always a luxury—and I
checked into Baan Jaidee, where clean, comfortable rooms for 250 THB almost
made me suspicious. Surely there was a catch? Hidden goats? Midnight karaoke?
Nope.
Just a good deal.
Wind,
Wandering, and a Chocolate Cake Boost - Trat to Klaeng (127 km)
I
didn’t do my planned loop ride back to Pattaya as I woke to a breezy
north-easterly. The north-easterly wind brings cooler, less humid conditions
and blows between November and March, so it's better to head south.
Once
at the turn-off, I wisely thought better of it and proceeded in a westerly
direction. The plan was to return to Pattaya to collect the ordered tent and
complete my 90-day registration before continuing my ride.
A
great deal of the day was spent trying to uncover paths not taken before. Cycling
through tiny, half-forgotten villages where a well still serves as the central
attraction is a pleasure.
I
won’t say I’d have the wind at my back, but still, better than facing it
head-on. I don’t know if it was due to my chocolate cake breakfast, but I was
full of beans and made my way to Klaeng. Towards the end of the day, I felt
like a hamster on a treadmill and pulled into cute roadside cottages sporting
beer and crisps! It was a no-brainer.
Double
Breakfast and the Road Back to Pattaya - Klaeng to Pattaya (123 km)
Surprisingly,
a light breakfast was included. Even though the ladies knew I was travelling
solo, I still received two breakfasts. Of course, I ate both, hahaha!
I
didn’t feel much like cycling to Pattaya, as I’ve cycled that stretch many
times. Still, there was no other option, and I stepped on the pedals.
The Road to Songkhla – One pedal stroke at a time
Breaking
free - Pattaya to Bangsaen Beach, Chon Buri (60 km)
At
last—mercifully, gloriously—I closed the condo and escaped what I can only
lovingly describe as Sodom and Gomorrah by the Sea.
The
ride north, as always, was about as scenic as a shopping mall parking lot. But
this time, I had a new companion: a saddle that seemed personally invested in
my discomfort. It wasn’t just uncomfortable—it was strategically painful, as
though it had studied human anatomy and chosen violence.
After
enduring enough saddle-based suffering to question my life choices, I sensibly
cut the ride short and stopped at Bangsaen.
There,
I found a 300 THB room that proudly advertised itself as “fully tiled.” Now, in
most places, this suggests a neat tiled bathroom.
Here,
it meant everything—walls, floors, possibly the air itself—appeared to be
tiled. It felt less like a room and more like the inside of a very clean
swimming pool.
Before
settling in, I unleashed a generous cloud of Dettol disinfectant, just in case
the tiles had plans of their own.
By
sunset, however, all was forgiven. I wandered down to the promenade, where the
light softened, the sea calmed, and food appeared in comforting quantities.
Balance restored.
Riding
the Edges of the Gulf - Bangsaen Beach to Samut Prakan (110 km)
Today’s
ride followed the Gulf of Thailand—also known as the Gulf of Siam—a body of
water that sounds dramatic but is surprisingly shallow. In fact, it’s so
shallow that it doesn’t exchange water very quickly, which is both fascinating
and faintly unsettling.
The
result? Plenty of fish—which is good—and rather a lot of accumulated human
behaviour—which is less good.
Somewhere
out there, in 2017, a ten-kilometre patch of plastic once floated like an
unwanted guest. I don’t know where it went, but I suspect it didn’t pack its
bags and leave politely.
Pushing
those thoughts aside, I tried to stick near the coast to avoid traffic.
Unfortunately, the coastline had other ideas.
Flooding.
Everywhere.
Roads
turned into canals. Paths disappeared. At times I wasn’t entirely sure whether
I was still cycling or auditioning for an amphibious lifestyle.
Eventually,
I stumbled upon a narrow canal-side path—quiet, rural, and blissfully passable.
It felt like finding a secret passage after repeatedly walking into dead ends.
8
December – Rails, Water, and a Flooded Town - Samut Sakhon to Samut Songkhram (40
km)
The
next morning offered a far gentler experience. Following a railway line through
tiny hamlets, I passed houses so close to the tracks that I suspected the
residents could lean out of their windows and high-five passing passengers.
Honestly,
they couldn’t have built any closer if they tried.
Arriving
early in Samut Songkhram, I was greeted by a town that had, quite
enthusiastically, become one with the river.
Flooded
streets. Water everywhere. I splashed my way onward, determined to locate my
hostel—only to find it closed. Naturally.
The
famous train market? Quiet. The trains themselves? Possibly on holiday.
Eventually,
though, a 300 THB room appeared, and I accepted it with enthusiasm. I then spent
the remainder of the day doing what any sensible traveller would do in a
semi-flooded town:
Eating.
Continuously.
Birds,
Salt Pans, and Slow Progress - Samut Songkhram to Hua Hin (118 km)
Determined
not to be trapped by another incoming tide, I made a somewhat hurried exit in
the morning.
Ten
kilometres later, everything improved dramatically.
The
road hugged the coastline, the breeze nudged me along from behind, the sun
showed up for work, and the sky filled with what can only be described as a
conference of birds. Not a meeting—a full conference.
Salt
pans stretched endlessly, shimmering like mirrors, attracting birdlife from as
far as Alaska and Siberia. Meanwhile, I pedalled along, scanning obsessively
for the elusive spoon-billed sandpiper.
This
is how cyclists end up taking all day to ride what should be a relatively short
distance: birdwatching with occasional pedalling.
Hua
Hin, when I finally arrived, felt oddly subdued—like a theatre after the
audience has left.
Still,
accommodation was cheap (300 THB), and my room had a walled yard—luxury! This
meant I could do laundry… or more accurately, rinse my clothes and declare
victory.
I
also devoured an entire bag of liquorice and a bag of popcorn. Because once you
start on liquorice, you are no longer in control.
The
following day, wandering through town revealed empty streets and “for rent”
signs. Even the massage shops—normally impossible to pass unnoticed—were quiet.
No
cheerful calls. No bargaining. Just silence and glowing phone screens. It felt
like the world had temporarily stepped away.
With
the Wind South to Prachuap - Hua Hin to Prachuap Khiri Khan (113 km)
A
stiff breeze behind me transformed the ride into something close to joy.
There
are moments on a bicycle when everything aligns—the temperature, the wind, the
scenery—and you find yourself grinning for no logical reason.
This
was one of those days.
By
the time I reached Prachuap Khiri Khan, I still had energy to spare, which felt
suspicious. I headed straight for Maggie’s Homestay—my old favourite. Cheap
rooms, a welcoming yard, and the comforting presence of people who seem to have
quietly decided not to leave just yet.
Within
minutes, I had tea in hand, conversation flowing, and later… a beer.
Priorities,
after all.
Two
days passed effortlessly at Maggie’s. Laundry, running, chatting—repeat. Nick,
a British cyclist waiting out the pandemic, provided good company. He had the
calm demeanor of someone who had accepted that time had temporarily stopped and
decided not to fight it.
It
was the kind of place where days slip by unnoticed.
A
Fast Ride and a Strange Encounter - Prachuap to Ban Krut (71 km)
With
the wind on my side, I flew south past coconut palms and striking beaches.
At
one point, someone with questionable intentions took an interest in me—but
quickly lost enthusiasm when I appeared less approachable than expected. He
sped off.
I
considered that a success.
Arriving
early in Ban Krut, I tracked down a modest room I’d heard about. Cheap, simple,
perfect.
Easy
Miles to Chumphon - Ban Krut to Chumphon (123 km)
Cycling
here was… effortless. Perfect weather. Beautiful scenery. Smooth riding. It
almost felt undeserved.
Reaching
Chumphon, I found a room where I could roll the bike straight in—a small luxury
that always feels like a major victory.
Then
began my battle with technology. My phone decided it was nearing retirement. I
bought a new one. Setting it up took ages. Then the banking app needed to be
reinstalled.
Then
my laptop, not wanting to be left out, began falling apart—literally. Luckily,
the issue turned out to be a missing screw.
The
repairman refused payment. I bought him ice cream instead. The genuine surprise
and gratitude was a reminder: outside certain tourist bubbles, kindness here
runs deep.
Through
Green Hills and Quiet Roads - Chumphon to Paknam Lang Suan (83 km)
No
rush today. Just easy riding through greener, hillier terrain. Coconut
plantations, quiet hamlets, chickens casually ignoring the rules of the road. The
route felt familiar—I’d ridden it before—but thankfully without the storm that
had accompanied that previous trip.
At
Paknam Lang Suan, I couldn’t resist Fisherman Bungalow—simple huts on stilts
over the water. At 250 THB, it felt like theft.
Storms,
Flats, and a Soaked Finish - Paknam Lang Suan to Surat Thani (126 km)
A
noisy night by the sea ensured an early start.
Coffee
in hand, I watched children head out to fish… in what appeared to be glorified
plastic buckets. Resourcefulness at its finest.
Then
came the day’s lesson in balance.
Beautiful
start. Short storm. Flat tyre. Then, ten kilometres before Surat Thani—rain. Heavy
rain. The kind of rain that makes you question whether vision is optional.
I
kept pedalling, trusting the road, hoping for the best.
Eventually,
I rolled into Surat Thani—soaking wet and dripping like a misplaced umbrella.
Food
came first. Showering could wait.
Straight
Roads and a New Plan - Surat Thani to Tha Sala (109 km)
Main
road riding. Efficient. Boring. So boring, in fact, that I didn’t even take a
single picture. Reaching Tha Sala, I decided to call it a day and consider my
next move: Malaysian border closed. A ferry from Songkhla. A plan was forming.
Racing
the Clock to the Ferry - Tha Sala to Sam Bo (143 km)
Then
came the twist. The ferry wasn’t leaving Thursday—it was leaving Wednesday.
Cue
urgency. “Self,” I said, “we need to move.” And so we did—through rain, poor
visibility, and persistent determination. By evening, with only 60 km
remaining, I felt confident enough to celebrate with crisps and beer.
Priorities.
Gliding
into Songkhla - Sam Bo to Songkhla (67 km)
An
early start saw me glide into Songkhla with time to spare. The old town, with
its Chinese shophouses, was a welcome distraction before heading to the port. Boarding
the ferry was… confusing. Nobody seemed entirely sure what to do. We boarded
early. We left late.
No
one explained anything—but everyone was friendly. Curiously, there was no
alcohol on board.
A
bold decision.
The
Ride Home - Songkhla to Pattaya (40 km)
I
slept well—an entire row of seats to myself.
Arriving
in Sattahip, I retrieved the bike, but it took longer than expected before I
was rolling again.
Forty
kilometres later, I stopped at Dawn and Dan’s for a few beers. As one does.
The following
days blurred into a mix of social gatherings, beach time, and good company.
Life
slowed. Time passed unnoticed. Eventually, plans shifted again. Thailand’s
borders remained closed. Africa called—not by design, but by default.
It
was thus February 2022 that I finally said adios to the lovely people I had
befriended during Covid and became Africa-bound. Africa was indeed a last
resort, as, after nearly two years, Thailand still hadn’t opened its land
borders.
I
was cautiously excited to return to my home soil and see what Africa had in
store. However, travelling wasn’t as easy as before, and I wasn’t sure if I
would even take off.
Epilogue
Looking
back, the ride was never about distance or destination. It was a series of
small moments—some planned, many not—held together by the steady turning of the
wheels.
There
were breakdowns, flooded roads, shifting plans. There was also kindness,
laughter, and that familiar sense of freedom that only seems to return once
you’re properly underway.
Thailand,
though, felt changed. Quieter. Paused.
And
slowly, it became clear that staying wasn’t really an option—not yet.
Africa
wasn’t part of the original plan, but it became the next step simply because it
was possible. And sometimes, that’s how these journeys unfold—not by design,
but by opportunity.
So
this ride ended not with a conclusion, but with a continuation. The bike would
roll again—on different roads, under different skies. And whatever waited
ahead, one thing was certain:
The story
wasn’t ending. It was just changing continents.